Clarity…?

I’ve spent the last two days miserably sick, and spent the entirely of today in bed. And it’s amazing what some bedrest will do. Inexplicably, after lying in a sort of misery-haze of flu-cold-sickness for the last 24 hours, I’m suddenly gripped by the irrepressible urge to blog.

Mostly I’ve been captive to that most evil of devices, the television. I’m now more convinced than ever that I should never watch it. I feel like it just sucked away a full day of my life, and ate a little more of my soul. The high point, though, was catching up on my Tivo-ed Daily Show episodes — the last few have been top notch. Last week he had Jim Wallis as a guest in an incredible segment — and then last night, Monday night, he had a fascinating interview with Richard Viguerie. Besides guests, they’ve also had two most excellent pieces of reporting — the last segment on Thursday was about Wal-Mart, and there was also a dangerously pointed story on health insurance. Of course, annoyingly enough their website doesn’t even have a list of guests, so I have no idea how to spell Richard Viguerie’s name. Viguerie, although a right-wing conservative, has got ideas about using alternative media to effect the political process that I plan to crib fairly directly.

In any case, besides the Daily Show, TV has been feasting on my soul and left me feeling fairly deflated. All the mindless zone-out time in front of the sacred box has also led to some strange non-specific revelations — a sort of general wondering about who I am, who I am becoming, and who I am choosing to become. I’ve felt a bit overwhelmed by work lately, a sense that some of the things that are most important to me are being left behind somehow. But I haven’t had any real clarity on the subject, despite devoting some quality time to it, and I’m left with a sense of wistfulness — or maybe loss is a better word — a sense of loss. I glance around, and I can’t figure out what is fueling the whole thing. Maybe it’s just getting older; maybe it’s some of the necessary decisions one makes in one’s life, as some doors open and others close.

Well, enough half-assed arm chair philosophizing. I’ve been sitting up for too long and the cold and flu demons are beginning to reclaim my head, time to return to bed.

5 Responses to “Clarity…?”

  1. Dave Pentecost Says:

    That sense of loss…yes it could be time of life, could be recharging mode after much work. Or an illness-induced Thomas Mann Magic Mountain anomie. Or maybe just the huge dose of TV – designed to make you feel not worthy and incomplete (the better to sell you) even when you are hip to its tricks.

    Great to see you last week. Feel better.

  2. Anne Says:

    Amen to Dave Pentecost’s comment above.

    I often find getting sick to have been its own strange blessing, for the very sort of reviewing and reality that it brings. I’m almost wistful for it at the moment, feeling so dismantled by rapid life.

    At any rate. I’m sorry you’re sick, Nicco! And you do a great job of aestheticizing the Forsterian muddle. Speaking of which, the quote of the month on an EM Forster website:

    ‘Mature as he was, she might yet be able to help him to the building of the rainbow bridge that should connect the prose in us with the passion. Without it we are meaningless fragments, half monks, half beasts, unconnected arches that have never joined into a man. With it love is born, and alights on the highest curve, glowing against the gray, sober against the fire.’
    (Howards End)

  3. Beverly Allen Says:

    Hi Nicco. Do you remember me, Beverly Allen from K.L. Viva Nueva? I am a protestant, capitalist Republican friend of your Moms. I won’t be sad if you want to keep it a secret, however you’ll have to deal with me in heaven. I have taken a special interest in your impact on “the world”.
    It is interesting to check in on you at this stage in your life. I send brotherly love to you and Shalom.. – reconciling for Christ, Beverly

  4. Dave Pentecost Says:

    Yeah we’re all watching.
    No pressure or anything.
    Down the river…down the river…

  5. Dave Pentecost Says:

    whoops forgot to add:

    I’m with Doc:
    http://doc.weblogs.com/2005/01/27#mayYouAlwaysFeelLikeYoureStillGettingStarted

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